Month 25

Its been a while since I’ve written anything. Still recovering from the month of December I’m sad to say my tree has finally been taken down. I hide behind the lights and the sparkle during the holidays and I think that’s ok. This year really wasn’t so hard. We were surrounded by loved ones and were able to have plenty of food on our table for multiple gatherings. Not having our little one home for Christmas, again, knowing this would finally be the last Christmas without them, almost felt like an accomplishment. We made it! I was very wrong to think Christmas would be the hardest battle to face during our waiting period.

There was a commercial I recently saw on TV and it showed multiple scenes of people in homeless shelters, food shelters and those trying to stay warm. The background music played “Don’t You” by simple minds. These people were cold and hungry but with the Christmas tree and warm coffee you feel a sense of hope for them. The scene changes to the same people, but without the amount of food and Christmas tree that was once filling the room before. The TV read,

“The Season of giving ends, but the need remains.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ceK5ukiw6cc

As a Growing Christian this is something I fight hard to achieve. To learn the ability to constantly live the life God intended us to live. To use ourselves for His work. And not only when it is easy or convenient for us. Like Christmas.

The month on December is like Sunday church on steroids. You get jacked up! You feel good about helping others and being a good person.  Then Monday rolls around, or January 1^st and life jumps right back to ourselves and our selfish needs. Work. Things needing to get done with the home. Life. We think to ourselves, eh next week. I'm gonna work on my goals I didn't finish from last year first. 

The lights, music, and family gatherings pump me up and I have this abundant amount of Joy filling my heart. But now my tree is down. It’s still cold outside and half my day is spent inside working and by the time I get out, the dark sky has fallen fast and I’m fighting hard to hold off the winters itch.

So how do we keep the spark going through the new year? How do I hold on to Jesus when I’m distracted by my child?

This blog was started with no agenda and as of right now I honestly am being pulled in directions on where I want to take this. 

This January will be the start of our 3^rd year in the adoption process. My job has changed, friends have been made, memories, set backs and trials have been placed.

Life has continued and our dream of holding our child still feels like a dream.

We try to incorporate them in our lives more. Setting things up, picking their drawer in the kitchen where their little spoons and plates will go.😍 We talk to our dog pretending he understands us, trying to explain how we will be soon bringing home a best friend for him. My favorite thing Jeff and I have done, has to be exchanging gifts for our child.

Correct spelling of Aubrey is with one b.

I let him believe it was two for the day. ;)

We decided to make this a date night on a Wednesday night in  December. Finishing our last-minute shopping, we headed towards our local Fleet Farm. “You can basically find anything you need there”  Jeff says.  My obsession with Target, is Jeff’s fleet farm. I like long walks down the aisle of target, Jeff day dreams about spending the afternoon at Fleet. Its dangerous for him I mean he goes in with a list of two items and comes back with all these little tools and odd shaped items I don’t know what the heck he could use for. And candy. But I agreed to Fleet because of their exciting toy land. And candy.

We split up each buying an item for our little one that we thought would be fun for the other person. Kept it hidden, checked out separately, and wrapped them up for Christmas day. Our Christmas morning is a favorite of mine, we slept in, spent time with the pup and in our warm pjs and coffee in hand we exchanged our gifts. My heart melted when I read his tag. Seeing him write “from Dad” gave me butterflies in my stomach.  As simple as this was, it felt like our little one was so close.

I forget the dream we have been dreaming for so long will come true this year. Finally, this year.

Part of this journey is learning about the needs of the children in china. It’s opened our eyes to the needs for children in America. Its open our hearts to the needs of those who don’t have homes, meals or families. The first few years of our child’s life I pray he or she was loved and cared for, but I know the living situations were not the best. Vowing to give them a safe home and a meal every night, makes me think about the kids I can’t bring home.


It is estimated that there are 140 Million orphans in the World. (https://www.sos-usa.org/our-impact/childrens-statistics)

There is this thing called the Orphan Crisis. There are many amazing organizations trying to spread the awareness of this crisis. The difficultly of families taking on this Journey include the health barrier, children having more challenging health issues which lead biological parents to place them up. The cost of the adoption, and the unawareness for the need to adopt. We think this isn't happening but it is.  400,000 kids are in America's foster care system and 30,000 kids turn 18 before ever finding families. Other countries place kids on the street at the age of 14 even younger and don't wait until the adult age of 18. (https://showhope.org/2014/03/24/4-statistics/)

January first cannot mean the spirit of Christmas is over. Holding our child and making our family whole cannot mean we can forget the forgotten children. Forget the homeless, forget the needs.

Our missing piece will make my heart whole, but it will still ache for our world we live in. As a new year resolution, I vow to give more of myself. Be less selfish, be more aware. I will carry the light of the Lord so that others may see Him Shine.

Will you?