Snowflakes on Eyelashes

I Love Snow. I really can honestly say that I love snow and I love it until the season changes into spring. I’m not one of those who wish it would stop or gets upset that it’s cold in February. I’m going to be cold in February I live in Wisconsin and I always have been and will be prepared to wear my muck boots, layered clothes, hefty wool mittens and warming up my car for a few minutes while controlling my breathing (and shivering) so that I can see out of my front window. Will I miss sunshine and warm weather beginning of March? Sure. But that’s the circle of life that will continue to take it's course because you see in August I will be dreaming yet again of the breath-taking sight of the first snowfall.

As of right now, it has been snowing for over 25 hours straight. There is no way I’m getting out of my driveway and it’s 7 days until Christmas. The day has been spent watching my favorite Christmas movies, sitting by the fire drinking a cup of coffee and running in the yard with my pup. A Relaxing day is hard to come by but with Christmas so close I can’t help but to feel something is missing.

The voice of my child.

I received an email yesterday from Holt International which is the agency that will be helping us travel to China once they themselves match us with our child. They have received our home study from Lutheran Social Services (Happy Dance) and are looking it over one last time before I send it for approval from our state of Wisconsin, to make sure it’s acceptable for China. Our home visits are completed from our social worker and the very next time she will step foot in our home, it will be to meet our child. (Another happy dance) Next step, fill out applications for our states approval, go to our appointment in Milwaukee at the Immigration services, start working on our Dossier and filling out the form for our I800. (Petition to classify convention adoptee as an immediate relative) Sounds scary, right? It’s not so bad but I’ve decided to take a short break and enjoy the holidays. It’s hard, sometimes I find myself walking upstairs heading towards our office to sort through the paperwork. I must tell myself, NO! and walk away. Like when I keep myself from eating that extra taco, except a lot easier. I love tacos.

Last Christmas the thought of adoption was still just a thought. We were so close to accepting God's plan but we weren’t there yet. This Christmas I know and have a strong connection that my child is waiting for us and yet He or She is still so far away. I’ve had moments where I wanted to buy them gifts, buy them items for their bedroom, toys for their play room but the words too soon kept creeping up. I’ve had a few people ask if I have all my Christmas shopping done for my child and I had to remind them it may be one more Christmas until they are home.

It made my heart ache.

This journey is a process and we are moving so smoothly but on days like today I get that itch where I want to hold them in my arms as they reach for a snow flake falling from the sky. I drink my hot cocoa dreaming of them dumping in one too many marshmallows into theirs.
I wrap the gifts under the tree and I see them running in their P. J’s screaming with excitement. A day like today reminds me why I like to stay busy, I stay busy to keep my mind on the paperwork, deadlines and appointments. A day like today reminds me I will know my child’s face next year and I long for it to be sooner.


Depending on our child’s age in 7 days it will most likely be their first Christmas.

… … … … … … … … … …

You obviously wouldn’t know this but from the time I wrote that last sentence to the time I wrote this one, 10 minutes have gone by. I’m the midst of writing those words my mind began to wander to what they would be doing and who would be holding them. Whether they would have a tree or music. Only one percent of the China population is Christian but Christmas traditions have been adopted in bigger cities so I’m uncertain. Whatever happens that day I hope they feel Joy. I remind myself God allowed His son to be born in a stable. I trust God is taking care of mine.

Like having snow in March I cannot ask for time to go faster. That is a wish that is impractical. Instead I will pray for our missing piece and hold onto my faith.  I’m in the middle of reading a book for the 5th time. It was given to me by a very dear friend and I find it insightful and intense all at once.  I only allow myself to read a chapter
(4 pages total) one at a time. This week I read the one where they talk about separating our minds from flesh and spirit and choosing to live in the actions that from the spirit rather than godlessly. We make choices every day that force us to take steps towards our future that leads to our path which He laid out for us. There could be many ways that could get us there. If we are selfish and hold greed in our hearts, if we are seeking our path for our own righteousness, we live a life in the dark and are fools. We might reach our goal but never our true potential and way of life we were made for.
If you hold on to faith, trust the journey, honor the days that make your heart ache and do it all in His holy name, you will forever know Grace and Love. This hits so close to home. He asks me to be still, be patient and allow His work to be done and yet He knows how badly I long to hold my child. Today, a day where my world was on pause, anger, stress and doubt could fill my head if permitted it. Like every day, I made a choice to obey His design and I find peace in my heart.

So here I sit sipping my cup of coffee in front of my fireplace. The thought enters my head that has never occurred to me. The 3 stockings placed, one for Papa, Mama and Bentley are hanging on a stocking holder of 4.

This was bought a few years ago when We first got our dog and I’m not sure why I didn’t just get a holder for 3. While an empty space longs for a missing stocking, I have Hope that this time next year there will be an addition to our collection. It too will be hung by the chimney with care, in hopes our missing piece, soon will be there....

*Happy Dance*

Proverbs 16:3 “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans"