I'm closer than I was Yesterday
Last year the very first thing I posted on Facebook was this
Positive thoughts = positive results. Make this year count.
So, here’s the thing, I’m not here today where I saw myself
to be a year ago, for one I thought my child would be here already, until I
found out Jeff and I both had to be 30 but……the results of 2016 have influenced
my future years ahead of me including this exciting year of 2017. I lived every
second last year with the motivation and drive that every single day counted.
Each day I didn’t want to do paperwork, I didn’t want to have a good attitude,
those days counted the most. Those days are real and they affect tomorrow. They
aren’t pretend and they can’t be hidden. Those days you want to give up and crawl
in bed won’t disappear the next day. They will still exist and will be wasted. I’ll
tell you the truth, I’m frustrated. I don’t find it fair that this Christmas
our family wasn’t together. I find it unjust that those children are waiting
around in an orphanage due to the status of our paperwork needing to be read
over and certified to prove we are healthy stable acceptable parents……….
Nevertheless,
I feel rewarded and accomplished that every day last year knowing this was
going to be a lengthy journey, I fought and I fought hard to make this happen.
My husband and I have grown closer than I could have ever imagined and I feel
gratified in knowing for the first-time last year I never gave up on the thing
that mattered most to me. Finding our missing piece.
I knew shortly into 2016 that we would not have our missing
piece by December so I made a promising decision that I challenge you to take
on this year.
Choose to be positive and make it count
365 days passed last year how many did you let slip by?
How many days do you regret?
How many days are you willing to regret this year?
As humans, we tend to repeat our mistakes. We try to
accomplish the same mission the same way each time and fail repeatedly. It
reminds me of Einstein when he quoted “Stupidity is doing the same thing repeatedly
and expecting different results. “
So here I am, the beginning of January, no way near where I
thought I would be, with a fire in my heart that has been gaining force. A fire that started
the day I vowed last year, that I wouldn’t tolerate the feeling of
disappointment any more.
I cannot remember where I saw this but I can picture it on a
counter near a register maybe in a coffee shop or store of some sort. On a
wooden box were the words written
Are you happy? With an arrow towards yes and no
If you say yes it led to, Keep Going
If you said no it led to, Change something.
How simple and yet honest and true.
We cannot blame people, situations, bad days or God for our
problems. Bad stuff happens and unexpected life happenings happen without
warning but in the end, you are the one who makes the decision if you’re going to
agree to the life your living. Yes God does have a magnificent plan made just
for you but He does not hold the strings. Take responsibility for your actions
and if your unhappy make a change.
If and when you choose to do so I pray you allow Him to
guide you. Make the change of accepting Christ into your life. My biggest
change for 2016 was to stop living selfishly for my own benefit. You will never
gain any profit in doing so. When I stepped back from the corrupted lifestyle I
was living and stopped trying to force the life I thought was best for me, I
jumped into the plan He had so patiently been waiting for me to join and
everything changed. I promise you the Love He has for you, The promise he holds
for you will provide an abundant amount of Grace and beauty that no earthly
thing can offer.
2015 was one of the hardest years of my life. The year of a
diagnostic surgery, the unknown answer of ever having kids and a struggle of
faith I had in myself and our God. 2016 was a little easier but my husband and
I were still challenged with difficult choices for our future family. Our
process began for adopting our child and our lives began to fill with lists
upon lists of how to raise money how to pick the best agency and how to compete
our home study. Jeff and I completed 6 fundraiser by May last year with a total
of 10 for the year.
That’s amazing! So like I said earlier I’m nowhere near
holding my child but look how far we have come! Having yet again positive
thoughts, how can I not look back and be thankful for what the
past year has done for me and my family. It was not without pain I promise you
there were many nights that held tears, days I felt weak. Moments I only got
through by picturing the moment I would be in a crowded room with strangers and
foreign language. A thought of a lady who will bring out my child and place
them in my arms. A moment they will look at me with those confused big eyes. I
will look at them and finally tell them that they are loved. That picture in my
head is sometimes the only thing that keeps me sane.
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| A Christmas gift from Jeff |
On that note 2017 is here and the first month will be bright
and promising and I hope it gives you the joys of all your hearts desires. If
the months go by and they turn to hardship and challenge you to grow, I pray
you find bravery in yourself to know that each day you wish to be over, those
days will only prepare you to the person you are ever growing to be.
Make it count.
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