What to Expect When You're Expecting.....The Call
So, I do this thing where I sing. When I’m doing chores, when
I’m at work, when I'm running….name the place and time and I’m there…singing. It
all started in a car. I’m sure you’ve been there.
If you think about it We spend most of our day waiting.
Waiting in our local coffee shop, or a drive thru perhaps at meal times. Doctors
office. On the phone waiting on hold. Then there’s the bathroom, the copy
machine, the elevator. We wait in line, wait for dinner, wait for the rain to
stop.
Some are waiting for a promotion! Some wait for an
engagement.
There are those waiting for their spouse to be home from
deployment.
Those whose kids are at college.
Some wait for retirement!
Some for love.
Hope
A friend
An opportunity.
Right now at every moment of my day, I’m waiting for The
Call.
July first our Dossier was sent and approved by China. Two
months have gone by each uniting waiting families with children and matching
little ones with forever families. Jeff and I were told we could wait up until
10 months to be matched. So I guess I can say 2 down 8 more to go?
So what should you expect when you're expecting the call?
You can expect a choice.
I’m going to try to describe the phases I went through when
we were going through the infertility challenge. This is one way I could go
about waiting for the call.
You surround your life around The call. You consume your
mind and refuse to allow any object to distract you. Waiting to get pregnant
became a fight and a struggle as we
played the waiting game. It’s an awful game to play and I recommend you stay
far far away from it. When you wait and focus on one thing no matter big or
small you agree to let it devour you. I didn’t know it at the time but I put my
life on pause….for 4 years. Every month I waited and when I didn’t get what I
asked for, I didn’t move on. I felt bad for myself.
There are points in our lives that something so drastic
could happen, something that could change our lives forever. We wait for
something we think we need to make our lives better. We have an answer as to
how to fix our lives and we wait for it to happen.
During this process, I began to miss out on things. I didn’t
go to events, missed friend gatherings and we skipped out on vacations, just in
case I would become pregnant. We saved our money, didn’t enjoy our time because
we were stressing thinking we needed to prepare ourselves for our child whom we
assumed would be here in months. Those 4 years are a blur. Almost wasted. I
was on auto pilot.
I let the days fly by
all because I was waiting. Nothing else mattered except the one thing I
anticipated each moment. I was wrong. Life passed me by. While I waited, I
missed out on adventures. Laughter with friends. Chances to be taken. Vacations
to be made. Goals that could have been met. Friendships that could have been
made.
I pushed everything else aside and made my life…about me.
God wasn’t answering my prayer, but it was my choice to live
that lifeless life.
Those 4 years caused me to become weak. I didn’t take care
of myself because I thought I couldn’t survive without getting pregnant. I
wasted away because I allowed myself to just wait…….
I don’t get those 4
years back but near the end I began to read the bible more, well I shouldn’t even say more I should say I
started to. I actually read it. Sat down closed the door settled my mind and
read.
Job was the first book of the bible I ever read. Job?! I
know right?! Don’t people go to the bible to read about uplifting stories and
scripture that will encourage us and give us strength? No, I went the book of a
man who was tested by God, whom all his friends and family told him to curse out
God for all the horrible things that were happening in his life. Job was
suffering a great deal and through everything he lost, he still honored God and
praised him. Job continually put his faith in the Lord and placed his life in Gods hands. He did not ask why and refused to curse out His name. In the end he was rewarded but what a challenging struggle Job must have gone through. Why? Isn’t this the big question why bad things happen to good
people? I do not know the answer to this but this scripture jumped out at me
that day.
Job 23:13-14 – “But He is
unchangeable, and who can turn Him back? What He desires, that He
does. For He will complete what He appoints for me, and many such things
are in His mind.”
What He desires, that He does.
What He desires, that He does.
Ok, well I understand His unconditional
love for me. He does desire me to come to Him and to love him back. He
Desires me to grow into a Christ like woman who will take strength in His word.
“What He desires, that He does”.
My thoughts began to scramble and
a thought popped into my empty heart.
What if His desire ISN’T for me to
get pregnant?
He must have a reason, a plan for
me could this not be it? Have I been waiting in an empty room for YEARS when no
one is going to call my name?
More movement is happening in
my head now and slowly I could feel my heart gradually being pieced back
together. He knows us by name, He knows our deepest desires and He placed in my
heart to become a mother more than anything else. All this time I thought He was torturing me
when I was the one placing suffering on myself.
Whatever He has chosen for me, He
is going to follow through because our God is unchangeable. His plan is in
motion and it’s up to me to obey. This wait took me way to long to figure out
my path. It’s exactly what I needed but I think preventing Joy and light to
enter those days wasn’t the best way to handle it on my part.
This is the choice you have, If you are waiting, accept the
test. Listen to Him, your prayers may be answered in unexpected ways. Listen
and trust with your heart. When your search for explanation and long for
answers, listen to Him. He longs for us to want a relationship with him. He
desires to be with us, grow with us and that includes waiting with us. Remember what He
desires, that He does.
I wait for the phone
call and I choose not to live each day as I did in my past. I jump at
opportunities. I say yes! I seek out challenges and search for opportunities to
grow because if He is allowing me time to be “waiting” for something, I’m going
to take advantage of it. These two months have flown and I’m surprised at the
fact that I’m able to say that! I follow His instructions and seek guidance at
what I can learn next. The bible states we may never know His reasoning for
such acts and I struggle with the waiting process on our match in this
particular way. In my mind, I know there is no reason to have our child wait in
an orphanage for months, when we are ready and even qualified by China to be
their parents. This is the time I need to put my trust in Him because His
timing is perfect. His timing will bring together my family.
Philippians 4:6-7
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation,
by prayer and petition with thanksgiving present your request to God. And the peace
of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds
in Christ Jesus.”
I will not let this phone call empower me.
So are you sitting in a car with road rage right now?
Are you hiding under the covers because you’re not getting
what you want?
Is Your way the Right way? Is the line you’re in not moving
for a reason?
No matter what you are waiting for, I pray you find peace. I
pray you find the courage to keep living and not place your life on hold. We
blame God often and often claim to be waiting on Him.
Could He be waiting on you?
Proverbs 3: 5-6
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your
own understanding, in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths
straight. “
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