For the Ones you Love

In the spirit of my favorite month. I would like his blog to be about the relationship I have with my husband. We celebrated our 7^th wedding Anniversary on the 9^th

and the love I have for this man is unbreakable. I truly feel that a couple can grow tremendously when they are put in situations that often potentially  set up the relationship for failure.  I’ve said once before how lucky I am that I am placed on this adoption path and without the struggles Jeff and I went though I don’t think our marriage would be as strong. And so I am thankful once again for this beautiful journey.

Before you hear His side of the story, there is something I don’t think many of you know. Accepting this path was a little easier for me. I’ve shared earlier how I was recovering from my surgery in fall of 2015 when I chose to leap to the path of forgiveness and hope. Jeff was not so willing. Who could blame him? This was a huge decision to be made and we had to 100% be on the same page. Through the next 3 months all I could do was pray for him. Pray to God that if this was our path we were meant to be on, God would help guide Jeff's heart. I would not continue this journey without the support from my husband. The weeks went by and at random times Jeff would ask questions about adoption. Some were basic like about the paperwork process. Some deeper, “How could a child love me who “isn’t mine” What if I don’t love them?” His curiosity excited me but by the wording of his questions, I understood he was not at the same level as I. This was still a plan B for him. To accept an adoption journey, you need to give 100% of your mind and heart. You will be tested continually. This child that you are fighting for is yours and no one else. Jeff couldn't do this to please me or do it as a favor. In order to surpass the obstacles He needed to believe this was his own child as well. My job as a wife was to support Jeff and help him though his uncertainties. I could not be angry with him. This is not an easy choice for everyone, it’s life changing and scary. Jeff would never force me to do anything I did not feel comfortable with and I had to respect that for him as well.

3 months went by until one-day Jeff asked if we could set up an appointment with the social worker to talk about this process. I jumped in the air with Joy, feeling the same I did when he asked me to marry him.  Through this long journey Jeff as grown into a man that honors me to be his wife. I’ve had weak days and struggle at the blunt remarks people say to us and Jeff is now the one who lifts me up.

My favorite story I know I shared already was when we were in a restaurant and ran into a couple we haven’t seen in a while. They shared how they were sorry for us that I was unable to carry our child. “You would have had such beautiful kids” She said with her sad eyes.

Jeff grabbed my hand and replied “We still will, and we will be with them soon”.

With His permission and in the words of my husband here is his side of our beautiful story.

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I envy the passion my wife holds. For me, having children wasn’t something I thought much about. Either we would or we wouldn’t. I was scared to be a father when we decided long ago to start our family. I understand most would be a little anxious and that’s why I think we turn to our wives. We expect them to know what they are doing and we go along with it. Through the years I saw her struggle and doubt herself. My anxiousness of becoming a good father, suddenly turned to being a good husband. I wasn’t sure what I could do to help her. I agreed to the doctor visits and clinical tests but each time we wouldn’t get an answer, I became more upset. Her strong force kept me going.  She was a fighter and I knew she wouldn’t dare give up. As a husband, all I wanted to do was take her pain away. All I could do was support her and let her know she wasn’t alone. When her surgery came and I saw my wife get wheeled around the corner in her hospital bed, I felt helpless. We finally got our answers as to why we couldn’t have children naturally but I could see in her eyes it wasn’t enough for her.

As much as I hate to admit it, Jess is great at communicating, she likes to talk through everything. When I’m upset I like to give myself space and relax for a bit. She’s the one chasing after me. I hated seeing her hurt physically and mentally. When she told me, she wanted to adopt I was stunned. That thought never crossed my mind and I wasn’t sure how to react. I asked her not to make me think about that. We’ve been through enough I didn’t know if I had the strength to go through the ups and downs of adoption.

I should have known but Jess would strategically bring it up here and there in small amounts. As the weeks went by I still saw her physically in pain but there was a light in her eyes almost as if she felt she had a 2^nd chance. She told me we are strong enough to bring our family together, we just needed to stand strong together. She was open with me and allowed me to make my own decision, she never pressured me or made me feel bad if I said no.  How gracious my wife has been to me when she has already sacrificed so much trying to carry a child for me. Almost a year ago she took medication to help her infertility that worsened her symptoms and she never thought twice about it. Here I am shutting a door on her dream of becoming a mother because I'm scared. Without her knowledge I told myself to think about it and pray about it.

Marriage and family is about sacrifice. I needed to participate, I needed to do my part.

January 2016 I told Jess I was willing to learn more about the process and asked if we could meet with the social worker. The meeting was overwhelming with the numbers and time line. Jess and I made it through the medical part so I thought we could get through this too. I started looking at one day at a time and with the support from my wife, friends and family I was starting to become excited and could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I began to picture our family, I could see my little boy, sometimes a little girl…. Jess showed me what the power of faith could hold, overcoming anything. Jess was willing to sacrifice everything the least I could do was look at my fears face on and ask for God to grow my faith.

I can’t tell you the specific day I jumped on board 100%. I think it was a little bit of a process and I don’t see anything wrong with that. I’m lucky to have the family and friends I do have. Their support helped me through my doubts. Listening to other family’s stories, going to adoption classes and knowing it’s acceptable to be scared helped me be the supportive man I wanted to be for my wife. We haven’t met our little one yet but I cannot imagine our life without him or her. There are so many children out there, waiting to be chosen, and waiting to be apart of a forever family. The world of adoption isn't all Joy and happiness. It's dark and lonely. Ya it's scary and stressful but the result is priceless. I mean we get to bring home our child! I don't think it makes a difference of how or where. Even lately coming to the terms of when. It's also exciting, beautiful, full of Love. This journey has assisted me in my faith, helped me face uncertainties and guided me learn what it truly means to sacrifice for the ones you love. My wife and my child. 

Jess has a way with ending her blog posts so I’ll try best. If you get anything from this piece know it’s ok to be scared. If you are waiting for your spouse to be on board, be patient. If you are waiting to accept the life of an adopting parent, be open.  Work together, stand together. Jess doesn't realize that she's given me the greatest gift of all. She's shown me what unconditional love looks like and what a person should do for the one they love. Fight for them, and never give up.