Step aside and let Him in

Early January I made an Adoption event on facebook that invited about 50 of my closest friends and family. I stated that this was a private event and that I would make it more public once we had our meeting with our social worker in about a month. Subconsciously I was worried about something going wrong that would stop us from doing this. Maybe that’s why I didn’t want to make this public yet. But why not? This is what Jeff and I have been longing to do right? We felt this was the path God sent us on, so why did I have doubts? I think it came back to the fear of the unknown and lack of knowledge about the adoption process. I also had my heart sting a little one day when I was being waited on at a restaurant.

My friend along with her child were enjoying our meal when I was asked the common, never ending dreadful question of, “Do you have any kids”. I was so use to answering this ridiculous question, I could choose from a hat of my abundant amount of answers, and yes I think it’s a ridiculous question. Why is this question blurted out as often as “How’s the weather out there”? Just because women at my age can have children and I have a ring on my finger does this question need to be asked? There are many women out there who choose not to have kids, there are some that are waiting for their own reasons and then there are those that cannot dream of anything else than to be a mother and lack the ability to do so. And here you are asking this deep personal question to a complete stranger. Are you really prepared for my answer? Of course I would never go into the rabbit hole of details that my journey has been thus far, but that doesn’t mean I’m not reminded that I’m expected to have kids already or that it still hurts the same amount each time it is asked. This time I was excited to reply and little differently,

“No but my husband and I are in the process of adopting!”

The lady responded, “Oh your trying to adopt? Good Luck!”. I knew she meant well, but the word “trying” just brought back all the doubt and uneasy feelings I had when we were “trying” to start our own biological family.

Very soon after I was on the computer searching ideas to raise money, how to apply for grants, and how to organize my paperwork. Not only was I lining up my packets of papers I needed to fill out, I also needed to start thinking about how I would be able to afford the ability to move forward in our process. It was a very strange feeling because Jeff and I knew we were financially equipped to supply a healthy environment for our child. But to make a complete payment that’s more than a 2016 Chevrolet Colorado? That just wasn’t in our back pocket.

 I would sit at my computer until my eyes hurt late at night and then finally go to bed when I realized I had only a few hours before I needed to get ready for work.

147 Envelope Fundraiser

 God give me courage, give me strength to get through this! I want to do this in your name so others can see how great your love is! But here I am again knowing very little of what steps I need to do in order to make this happen. It was like we finally knew which door God told us to open, but wouldn’t. We are still very human, and we stood there with blank faces thinking, How?

T-Shirt Fundraiser

I was sitting on my computer, again, late Friday night when I turned on my Facebook page. A good friend shared a posting on my wall that stated, “"When I see someone just starting their fundraising efforts I want to run to them and squeeze them tight and whisper to them that it’s going to be worth it all....”  Oh thank you, thank you! I needed this right at this very moment. This Blog was from No hand but Ours and it talked about how we cannot count the number, it’s about asking God to use your talents use your time your effort in His name. Vulnerability is not a weakness, it’s an opportunity to seek Him and to give all your worries and doubts to His Hands who will guide you and never let you go. In the blog there was a mention of the scripture of John 21:6. He said, "Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some. When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish.”

Craft Sale Fundraiser!

Shortly after I noticed I had a note from a few days ago from another one of my old co-workers. The note she wrote said this….

“Hey there! Just had my women's Wednesday bible study and I shared your story with the ladies and they are excited to support you with prayer and fundraising and encouragement. Can I send them the information on Facebook? I have been praying for our group to support the next adoption family and you were the answer to my prayer”

My tears could not stop, my heart could not stop weeping. Me? I was an answer to HER prayer? I could not comprehend those words I must have read it a good number of times before I replied. She was still up and we were able to chat a little bit. She explained how they would be starting a fundraiser for us and stated how their study this week was about the 5,000 that Jesus fed with 5 loaves of bread and two fish.  She reminded me why I was doing this as she told me that God was using me so that others could work in His name and be the miracles for others.  “We are all working together to help your family grow”. Her words proved God’s love is readily available, we just need to step back and let Him be a part of our lives.  Easier said then done right? We may never know His ultimate plan for us but personally I feel that when I get close to a part of His plan and it seems scary, I back up a little bit.

Now wait a minute, are you sure?

Maybe He doesn’t mean for me to head down this road.

The thing about following His plan is that we have to be fully committed and selfless. We cannot choose which parts we will and will not do, we can’t say yes to the easy stuff and say no to the stuff that makes us feel uncomfortable. We can’t just say yes to the roads that lead to our gain and no to the roads that force us to be scared and cause stress.  We need to keep our Faith, our trust and love on the Lord and in the end if we are truly doing His work, nothing can ever get in our way.

ReachOut, Forever Family Fundraiser.

A weight was lifted off my shoulders that day those two friends reached out to me, not even a week passed after my quiet announcement and God reminded me that I wasn’t the one who came up with the adoption plan and therefore it is ok to not know each step we will take to get us there. Psalm 84:11 “For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly”

Everything we need at this very moment is given to us. He does not hold anything from us that leads us to His purpose.  Since then Jeff and I have started 6 fundraisers with the amazing help from family, friends, and our community. Since then we have also opened up and shared our story and exciting journey of adoption that hopefully leads other families to this rewarding and extraordinary path.

Jeff and I cracked open that door of adoption and He swung it wide open! He reached out to me through the grace of others to tell me He’s by our side and will deliver.  If our plan is truly for the will of our Lord, there is no way we can fail. I asked and he provided the assurance I needed to start this journey.  I was ready to commit and start sharing with the world.

I will Place my heart in His hands, I will throw my net on the right side.